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Mulder And Scully Build A Web Page
| You know, Mulder, I had no idea that building a web page was so much work. | |
| It's not that bad. Hey, we should include these links. 'Here are a bunch of voyeurs who, for some strange reason, take an extensive interest in our love lives.' | |
| And we really should sue them for all that pornography they write about us. That's just sick. | |
| C'mon, Scully, aren't you the least bit interested in.... acting out some of those? | |
| Why, are you bored? Just last night, you were praising my... imagination... | |
| And I still haven't recovered. Neither have the neighbors. When I was getting the mail this morning, I heard someone mutter something about an 'eviction notice'. | |
| Well, just remember: the handcuffs were YOUR idea. | |
| You never did give me back the key, either. | |
| You don't know where I stashed it. But you might experience a nasty rash in a few days. | |
| (gulp) | |
| Don't worry, I have a great ointment I could....apply. | |
| This is what I get for shacking up with Doctor Love. | |
| Shacking up? I pay good money for this place. And I haven't seen you offering to help with the rent... | |
| I'm still trying to pay off the engagement ring! | |
| Then why did it leave a faintly green ring around my finger? | |
| Because I, uhm, dropped it. Someplace. You don't want to know where. I thought I'd washed it off enough... |
|
| Ewwwww. | |
| Didn't you perform an autopsy like that once? | |
| Don't remind me. And that autopsy was YOUR idea, remember? | |
| And I had no idea a scalpel could be used that way. Wow. | |
| The next time you have me cut up something that disgusting, I'm going to feed it to you for breakfast. | |
| Don't you do that already? Now, I know your culinary skills have never been the best, but.... | |
| You have had the LAST meal I will ever cook for you, you ungrateful slob. | |
| That's just fine by me. I already have the numbers for several dozen D.C. restaurants' take-out places memorized. Where do you think that chicken scallopini and creme brulee came from? | |
| The same place that the Highlanders keep their swords? | |
| Fine. Next time you get McDonald's. Get used to the Golden Arches, babe. | |
| Fine. Don't expect to get your handcuff keys back anytime soon, either. | |
| Damn, and they're starting to chafe... | |
| Hmmm. Tell me, babe, how does THIS feel? | |
| Am I supposed to notice a difference? | |
| Oooooh. You're gonna pay for that remark. Let's see, where'd I put that gag gift Frohike gave me? The cat'o'nine tails? | |
| I have a feeling I'm about to discover a few new erogenous zones. | |
| Whether you discover erogenous zones or entirely new places to put band-aids will depend on your next few remarks, smart-ass. | |
| I suddenly got very turned-on. | |
| I have a gun, I have a badge, I have a whip, and I have your handcuff keys. Consider that before you open your mouth. | |
| "Ice Queen" my ass! Who knew that beneath those demure suits and layers of makeup lurked the soul of a dominatrix? | |
| Just wait 'til I take you out and get you tattooed... | |
| And where, pray tell, would you like to mark your name? | |
| I was actually thinking of a little smiley-face. In a... strategic place. That way I'll know that you'll never cheat on me; any prospective mistress would be too busy laughing her ass off. | |
| Then what explains all of your laughing when you're exploring that... strategic place? | |
| Well, I could mark it up to dimensions, but I wouldn't want to bruise your sensitive
male ego. Actually, it's that little mole you have. It's like an arrow, pointing: "Lick Here". |
|
| You weren't marking anything up to dimensions when you moaned my name last night. [muttering] Thank God I didn't listen to mom and have that removed. |
|
| That's because you were so caught up in the rhythm that you didn't notice that you were POUNDING MY SKULL INTO THE HEADBOARD. | |
| You were the one who insisted we didn't need any padding. | |
| If we padded every place we do it, my apartment would be all cushions. | |
| Isn't it already? You and your femme decor. Cramps my manly style. | |
| Your 'manly' style includes mold in the refrigerator, mildew in the shower, and something green and fuzzy living under the couch. Why do you think I insisted we move into my place??? | |
| Because you couldn't be bothered packing up all your stuff then doing all that heavy lifting? C'mon, Scully, I've seen what you can bench-press. | |
| I can bench-press YOU, wimp-boy. | |
| Mmm.... I think I read about that in Penthouse Forum once. Or maybe I wrote about it. Whatever. | |
| Hunh. Before you had the sense to get it on with me, your entire sex life existed on quarter-inch tape. | |
| At least I didn't require batteries. And besides, the span of a strand of videotape is 3/4" thick. |
|
| I suppose you know that vital technical trick from having spent so many hours fondling your lovers. ...And I wouldn't scoff at batteries if I were you, handcuff-boy. | |
| Perhaps you'd like to commune with your batteries tonight instead of enjoying conjugal relations. | |
| Perhaps I will. You like sleeping in handcuffs? | |
| Sometimes when you're at it, I feel like I'm sleeping. Wait! Babe, I'm sorry. You know I love you.... don't you? |
|
| (silence) | |
| How would you like me to show it? | |
| Hmmm. I'll have to think about that. In the meantime, bring me a Pepsi. Yes, with your hands cuffed behind your back. Be creative. | |
| Betcha didn't know I can even open the can with my teeth. | |
| Now that's a skill you ought to put on your resume. ...And what else can you open with your teeth? | |
| Go take off your clothes and lie down, and maybe I'll show you. | |
| The hell with that. Undress me, smart-ass. And if you can undo a bra strap with your teeth, I'll give you extra points, and a kiss where you like it best. | |
| Yeah, well, I love you but last time I tried to do that, I ended up with a huge dental bill. | |
| And that little scar above your lip... | |
| Matches the scar on my shoulder that you gave me. And where did you get all your scars? | |
| The same place I got all those fingertip bruises with your name on them. You play rough, loverboy... | |
| This from the woman holding the handcuff keys. | |
| I'm not holding them anymore. Want to play hide- and-seek? | |
| That depends on where I get to hide... | |
| The room is small, and you're a big boy. | |
| That's not what you were implying a few minutes ago. | |
| Aw, poor baby. Did I bruise your fragile ego? | |
| Yes, you did. Wanna kiss it better? | |
| I'm not sure my lips are quite that big. | |
| Oooh... flattery will get you everywhere. | |
| I wasn't referring to... that. | |
| Well, I'll take what I can get. I'm not proud. | |
| Although, I must admit, that is quite impressive. | |
| Your repertoire of talents shows off your lack of pride quite well. Dignified? No. Highly entertaining? Yes. | |
| Dignity, entertainment; hell, whatever will get me laid. Or get these handcuffs unlocked... |
|
| I thought your life philosophy was "Trust No One". Or is it, "Me? I'm easy"? | |
| "Trust The Woman With The Handcuff Keys". | |
| Just how far are you willing to trust me, Mulder? | |
| With my life, my soul, my honor... even with my hands cuffed behind my back. | |
| Keep sweet-talking me and you just might get your... release. | |
| Keep talking to me in that sexy tone of voice, and... release... is not going to be a problem. | |
| Has it ever, Mr. Quick- on-the-Draw? | |
| That's not my fault. That's because you're too damn sexy. | |
| Yes, well, that's always been a particular charm of mine. | |
| Tell me about it. Five years of looking at you all day and cold showers all night, and you wonder why I'm... precipitous? | |
| Well, the fact that it took you five years suggests a staying power even Buddhists would be proud of. | |
| The fact that I'm sitting here with my hands cuffed behind my back not attempting to undo your bra strap with my teeth suggests a degree of willpower heretofore unknown in man. | |
| What are you waiting for, then? Whomever told you that good things come to those who wait was fooling you, Mulder. | |
| I told you... I'm still paying off that dental work. I'm hoping you'll take pity on me and give me one less thing to chip a tooth on... | |
| Or would you rather return the favor? I can see a few ... hard ... things I might chip a tooth on. | |
| Oh, honey, I could drill holes through steel right now. --The handcuff keys? Pleeeease? |
|
| If you can drill holes through steel, why do you need a key? Oh, right. Logistics. | |
| You cuffed my hands behind my back, remember? And y'know... whatever I can do with my tongue, I can do three times as well with my hands free... | |
| Better yet, why not trying to drill a hole with the handcuffs on? Show me some tongue and you can have your key. |
|
| (sticks tongue out at her) | |
| Ah, but it's just sort of flopping around up there. Put it to some good use. | |
| Yes, ma'am. Your wish is my command. --Oh, god, those are button-fly jeans. You don't believe in simple zippers?? | |
| Where would you be, Fox William Mulder, without a good challenge? | |
| Uhhh... basking in the afterglow by now? | |
| "Afterglow?" How quaint. And just for that, you get ... this. | |
| Ohh... God... Scully... do that again. Please. | |
| Comparing me to a deity will get you everywhere. Like here.... I take it from that noise you made that that was pleasant? |
|
| Pleasant... does not begin to describe... C'mon, Scully, don't leave me hanging like this! | |
| Ah... oh.... mmm..... There. You're not .... [gasp] hanging anymore. | |
| Ohhhh... Scully... baby, you're the greatest! |
Fade To Black
(Visit Fox & Dana's Web Page at http://scully.mulder.com/ )